


First Time [1/2]

by ridakulous



Series: First Time [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Anger Bang, F/F, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2014-06-06
Packaged: 2018-02-03 16:25:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1751081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ridakulous/pseuds/ridakulous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally written for Faberry Week 2012. Prompt: First Time. Rachel POV</p>
<p>The first time she kisses Quinn Fabray her breath catches in her throat and something explodes behind her eyes. It’s sloppy, drunken and a bit too forceful, and Quinn sways into her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Time [1/2]

The first time she sees Quinn they’re on the playground.

Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman just claimed the slide as their “man kingdom” and recess is too short for Rachel to start an argument with them. Besides, they usually can’t understand half of what she’s saying and Puck just flexes at her while Finn has that dopey, faraway look on his face and Rachel can’t pretend to return his smile today.

She sits down on the rusty swing seat, picking up momentum as her small legs kick forward. It’s a flash of blonde out of the corner of her eyes, like silken honey under the thick spring sun, and Rachel nearly falls off her perch trying to crane her neck to see it.

She slows her swing, ignoring the gravelly sand that gets stuck in her Mary Janes in her haste and tries to find the color again. It’s near the jungle gym, two sweaty palms on the monkey bars, and Rachel’s gaze catches bright, hazel eyes before the recess bell rings to drag them back in.

They go towards opposite sides of the school and little Rachel keeps glancing over her shoulder, trying to catch another glimpse of the beautiful girl.

Gorgeous, is the only word an eight year old Rachel can think, and it’s the first time she catches sight of the prettiest girl she’s ever seen.

xx

The first time she talks to Quinn Fabray should have told her something.

When she looks back at it now, Rachel sees it as the warning she should have heeded. Quinn’s eyes are cold, like the amber in her eyes is frozen over. It’s the first time she’s seen the girl since they were young, on the playground a half a decade ago, but Rachel Berry’s memory is impeccable and she’s never been able to quite forget Quinn Fabray.

The girl’s lips curl into a sneer as they eye her argyle sweater and knee-high socks, and Rachel takes a defensive step back. Quinn’s gaze is calculating, so unlike a thirteen year old girl should be viewing her, and Rachel’s fingers twitch to reach out to her. Shaking her head, Quinn growls out a harsh “Move.”

Rachel wishes she would have just listened for once in her life.

"Hello, I’m sorry if I was in your way but it’s very nice to meet yo-"

Rachel extends her hand and Quinn shoves her into a locker, quieting the hallway around them.

"I told you to move, manhands. Are you deaf as well as blind?”

There’s a cruel gesture to her outfit and Rachel Berry is at a lack of words for the first time in her life. She silently moves out of the way and there’s a flicker in Quinn’s eyes, remorse, and it’s at that moment that Rachel makes it her personal mission to save Quinn Fabray from whatever is bothering her. She brushes the damp corner of her eyes and squares her shoulders, chin jutting out stubbornly.

xx

The first time she kisses Quinn Fabray her breath catches in her throat and something explodes behind her eyes. It’s sloppy, drunken and a bit too forceful, and Quinn sways into her.

Quinn’s tongue pushes into her mouth and Rachel feels entirely too warm, wondering where this feeling was with Finn’s sweet, gentle kisses. Quinn winds up pushing her into the wall, the girl’s so drunk that Rachel winds up supporting her weight almost entirely, a feat for someone as small as she is.

She’s murmuring something intelligible into Rachel’s ear, something caught between an apology and a strangled noise that could be mistaken for want.

Rachel almost wants to look away; this isn’t Quinn Fabray. This is a mess of the girl she could be, the girl Rachel knows is lurking under all of those scared, hostile walls.

It literally pains Rachel to watch her and once Quinn is upright, she briskly walks away, looking back over her shoulder to see Quinn staring at her. Her gaze looks more sober than she remembered, and Quinn stumbles away, the panicked look on her face filing Rachel with a hurting regret and a bad, horrible taste in her mouth that even alcohol can’t wash away.

Months later, she’ll learn it’s the same night Noah Puckerman managed to get into her pants and Quinn pregnant.

xx

The first time she has sex with Quinn Fabray it’s almost ironic.

It’s in the bathroom, their bathroom, where all of the deep meaningful conversations between them have transpired. It was here that Rachel told Quinn how pretty she was, here where they fought at prom, here so many times that Quinn has given her that look that sent her heart racing in her throat and her mind scrambling in fear so many times.

It’s here that Rachel tells Quinn that she went through with sleeping with Finn, and here that Quinn’s walls drop again - for some reason they only drop around Rachel and it’s both terrifying and amazing when it happens - and rage twists her features.

Quinn’s fingers are rough inside of her, curling up and making Rachel stumble over her wants, her needs, her words. Quinn refuses to kiss her, soft blonde hair tickling Rachel’s shoulder as Quinn’s strong body holds her up against a cool, tile wall. She’s coming undone embarrassingly fast, peaking towards that point that Finn couldn’t manage to bring her to, and when she comes everything is “Quinn, Quinn, Quinn" spilling from her mouth and her heart.

It’s also the first time Quinn mutters “I love you,” again her skin, sounding so angry and resentful that Rachel can’t even revel in the confession. And then Quinn’s fingers are sliding out of her and she’s walking away, something Quinn’s all too good at, and slamming the door behind her.

Not for the first time, Rachel Berry cries because of Quinn Fabray.

xx

The first time she walks away from Quinn Fabray is also the last time.

She’s put up with years of uncertainty, years of torture and manipulation in high school, but that’s not what causes her to leave. It’s at graduation, when the Glee club is celebrating in the middle of the Lima Convention Center along with their graduating class. It’s when Quinn refuses to hold her hand, disgust and fear still etched on her pretty, pretty face, and something inside of Rachel breaks.

"You’re a coward."

Her voice rings out over Tina laughing as she wheels Artie around and Puck slapping Sam on the back, unwilling, totally not badass tears at the corners of his eyes. Quinn panics and freezes up and Rachel realizes Quinn will never be ready. She’ll never be proud and happy and carefree with someone like Rachel. And it hurts, causing her to clench her teeth and close her eyes for the smallest of moments, to realize that she has to let Quinn go for her to be happy, to realize that she can’t make her feel like she feels just being around Quinn. Because Quinn’s the prettiest girl she’s ever met, but she’s so much more than that and Rachel Berry can’t be the one who brings her down. Not when she’s waited since third grade to see her smile, to see her shine, to see her live like she did that day on the monkey bars.

So Rachel Berry walks away, her head as high as it always it, and doesn’t look over her shoulder once, knowing Quinn will never have the courage to chase her like she deserves.


End file.
